I feel like this topic has surfaced quite a few times in my life and I am starting to see it in greater clarity now - which is always a good time to share some learning. 

This with the caveat that I obviously do not have all the answers but a few insights are always helpful.

It's a feeling I think all of us have had some experience with - and that is Resistance. 

I feel like even the word resistance has an energy that feels closed and restrictive. Even saying it doesn’t feel that easy to say. I think resistance can be experienced consciously and unconsciously - so sometimes it can be tricky and difficult to recognize. 

Conscious resistance is something we can be aware of that can show up on a consistent basis or just from time to time, but we typically know it when we see it and often choose to ignore it or find a way to justify why it’s there.

I spent a great deal of time in conscious resistance in early sobriety. I was always fighting one thing or another, fearful of taking on this new life in recovery that felt scary and uncomfortable.

Half the time I was irritated and angry that I even had this problem to deal with - and especially grumpy about having the misfortune of actually having to let people know about it  - sharing something that felt so personal and has so much shame around (especially in the beginning) that I would just rather have kept it to myself. 

As I started down this road - stepping into a completely new lifestyle and slowly growing into what I see now to be an entirely different person with so many levels, I stayed in a place of resistance for quite a while. Almost righteously so - I felt like I had a right to be pissy about the position I had somehow found myself in. Not fully acknowledging my part in all of it. …and it actually felt good for a while, until it didn’t. 

I think when we make a change that is that transformative that hasn’t shown us its significance yet, it can feel like nothing more than a colossal inconvenience and we kind of white knuckle it until something finally moves us to release the tension and accept it for what it is.

My resistance finally gave way as I began to expect more of myself and take on new interests. Soon this new life started to emerge and so did my frustrations. Allowing me to loosen my grip and gradually ease into it. 

I will say, as I reached out to others going through similar experiences, I  began to feel part of a greater community and that was a game changer. I was developing courage and curiosity about my life that I don’t think I had actually ever felt until that point.

When I look back on that time, I felt very conscious of my resistance. I don’t think I wore it like a badge, but I definitely could recognize it happening within me.

When you look at resistance for what it is, it’s nothing more than a stubbornness that stems from fear. It can show up as anger or anxiety or manipulation - all in an effort for us to stay safe and comfortable. As I became more and more ok with being a sober person (living in a pretty tipsy world), I developed more inner strength and my ability to overcome the resistance felt alot easier…

OR SO I THOUGHT… 

What started to happen after that became very interesting. My conscious experience of resistance faded away but my unconscious resistance was still there. 

For me, it came in the form of never fully owning my sobriety. I had basically written a book about it, and had been coaching other women in addiction recovery for several years and funny enough, it wasn’t until I was working with someone who was helping me to get started with social media - that it reared its ugly head. 

I will say, I have always had a love/hate relationship with social media and I think it pushes more buttons for me than I care to admit, but she was recommending I put something out there about my sobriety on full display that at the time felt WAY out of my comfort zone. What I told myself at the time was - it was painting a really stark image of my experience in addiction - which to me -  just didn’t feel true.

No mind you - I knew by how I reacted to her (with an emphatic NO!) that this was an area I had not worked through yet — I had felt I had come so far, but this clearly needed to be examined further. In doing so I came to realize a few things: 

First of all, I was still in corporate and had a HUGE fear of what others would think of me and how I performed in my job - if I had addiction as part of my past - what would they think? 

The reality was  - I still had a huge chip on my shoulder about truly OWNING my sobriety and accepting it for what it was - which by the way - was the actual truth she was asking me to reveal, a pretty dark and scary and out of control part of my life that I just wasn’t ready to reveal yet.

I think the beauty of resistance whether it’s conscious or unconscious is once we are able to identify it either in the moment or later in hindsight - it can become one of our greatest teachers.

When we see ourselves resisting we know there is something to learn by either overriding it or asking ourselves the hard questions about why it’s showing up.

I often ask my clients “what do they want” when we talk about making a shift in their life and often they have a hard time answering the question. This to me is a sure sign that they’re experiencing some form of resistance maybe because as soon as they do, it just might happen. 

That subtle resistance to change or to taking on something new will continue to be there unless or until we are willing to see it and say “oh, yep - I recognize you! - you’re the obstacle I placed on my own path” and then step over it and do it anyway. 

I want to leave you with a few tips on overcoming resistance in the moment.  

Recognize it for what it is! Don’t resist - recognizing resistance! Ha! I know, that sounds so funny, but it really is our go to place. Feeling resistance can often feel like we’re copping out or taking the low road - so it’s not something we willingly want to own. 

Sit With It. When you feel yourself resisting something, I can guarantee you the answer for why is likely something you already know. Taking a breath and exploring where it’s coming from - will get you there sooner or later and will ultimately bring you to a place of greater understanding. Yes, this may involve asking yourself some uncomfortable questions - but in the long run, a willingness to give yourself the grace to have the set-backs will only help you overcome them sooner. 

Be open to a different perspective. Is your resistance based on fear or misunderstanding - and if so, what’s the real truth behind it? We tend to tell ourselves stories especially around resistance so I just invite you to question them and dig a bit deeper into what may be causing it.

The beautiful thing about these moments of clarity and self awareness is  - we create them by remaining curious and open to learning - especially when they creep up on us out of the blue.   That;s when it’s time to really pay attention. They are just another door opening for us to walk through to live a braver life - ultimately ready to take on the next challenge.

Truth be told - Resistance is a part of life and when it shows up, it’s just another reminder of how many ways we get to take a peek into our inner world and the opportunities we have to grow and gain a better understanding of ourselves each and every day.